You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I can text with my tongue
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
should my penis look like a turkey
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
