new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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