And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
