OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
