i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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