I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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