Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
