too bad you live with your parents still
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
