apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
