I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
