all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
