I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
