Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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