We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
