Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
