grandma shit on top of the toilet
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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