It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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