I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
