the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
