If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
