4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
