She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
