i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
