What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
