Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
