And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
