I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
