did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
