In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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