i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
