I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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