You're so nebulous sometimes
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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