I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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