If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
