my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
