I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
