There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
