We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
