the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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