Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
