My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
