You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
