I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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