so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
