Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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