So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Drake has all the answers
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
