Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
