Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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