This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
