You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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