that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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