I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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