I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
