that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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