I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
