ya dads aren't the best wingmen
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
