Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize