She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
