So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
