Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
