So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
