In the future we'll all be gay
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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