There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
