i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
