Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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