I feel like abortions should bother me more
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
