I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize