exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
